:: @hospital ::

small hand with IV needle -  not a good sight.

Alyssa got admitted earlier today due to chesty cough and high fever.  Her temperature reading was 39.6 degree it got me panicked.  I'm writing this up while waiting for the nurse to give her the nebulizer.

i think i got the nurses confused yang mana satu patient sebenarnya. was really tired in the ER with so may patients waiting.  MO ada sorang aje.  But the MO's good with kid.

 Nebulized -  she's very cooperative.  I dont have problem asking her to put the face mask on.  She holds the neb herself without my help.  Bole tido lagi tu.

Hope its nothing serious.  Hokkayyy I gotta get some sleep.  Effin tired.

:: My Random Thought Covered with Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich ::

I was thinking, like someone who can’t sleep and could use some peanut butter and jelly sandwich at this hour kinda think (hence the title of this post).

We all have flaws. But I have figured out that others have put up with mine so uncomplainingly tolerant that it would be less than fair if I not make a reasonable discount for theirs.

Honestly, I’d prefer to seek for other people’s flaws rather than knowing their specialty.  Ciz I infer, that the secret of personal attraction is locked up in our unique imperfections, flaws and frailties.  And without them flaws, we will never learn nor will we ever grow.

Everybody can live with one’s special traits, I mean, who can’t, right?  But not all people can accept other people’s flaws.   It doesn’t interest me if one can juggle knives, or flip their legs to touch their forehead or if they can kiss their own navel.  Nor am I interested if one can grow hair from top to toe and cry over a full moon.  

Each time I’m in the process of knowing new people, I would ask them their flaws, for me to accept them, not to make them change for what they are not just because I want them to.  I want to learn to adjust to their weaknesses and challenge myself to understand people better.  Knowing what I’m getting myself into.  Knowing what may exist.  

If you can learn to love other people and all the flaws, you can love the world so much better. And that makes you so happy.

I have myself a big bag of flaws.  The obvious one would be, I start blogging because the words I try to say mostly never come out right.  Although at times I wear my heart on my sleeve, but typing sure smooths words.

Hi there!  I’m Dottie with dots (read flaws).  Can you accept me?

:: That Should Be Me ::

Last weekend was interesting.  I have a second cousin (the son of me mom's cousin) who has a daughter about my age.  Well she’s younger…  Yeah okay, she’s a lot younger.  She’s about Jed’s (the soon-to-be bridegroom) age but she’s already married and has a kid about a year old.  When we were a lot lot lot younger, we somehow knew that Jed had a crush on her.  How much?  We just couldn’t measure but we knew.  They used to swap letters and postcards, knick knacks and souvenirs.  

The reason I claimed last weekend interesting was because she visited us together with the hubby and her kid and also her parents.  Since Jed left for Leeds I think it was the first time they met.   I dunno what happened to them when suddenly I heard that she was getting married.  I guess out of sight of mind?  

She’s residing in Labuan now following the hubby and she wanted to meet Jed since she could not attend his wedding which is just less than a month now.

I suppose she didn’t tell the hubby about her and Jed were close before because I couldn’t see the oh-so-you-were-the-guy-that-my-wife-told-me-about look when he chatted with Jed.

Later when they were about to leave, she passed the kiddo to her parents and the hubby held her hand and walk towards the car, I gave Jed a glance.  They weren’t looking but I saw Jed was looking at him holding her hand and I swear to God I saw the that-should-be-me look on Jed’s face.  Obvious giler.

While he still stood there at the driveway watching the car made a turn (pathetic ain't it?), I whispered slowly into his ears “I  couldn’t believe what I just saw”.  

:: Tread Softly ::

HAD I the heavens' embroidered cloths,
Enwrought with golden and silver light,
The blue and the dim and the dark cloths
Of night and light and the half-light

I would spread the cloths under your feet,
But I, being poor, have only my dreams,
I have spread my dreams under your feet,
Tread softly because you tread on my dreams

W.B. Yeats

:: First post of 2011 ::

I’m letting myself feeling the greatest amount possible.

When broken, I’m letting myself feel every piece of that grief.  Absorbing the purest of pain.  Cry with sad songs on, I overeat or I don’t eat at all.  I lie in bed all day, call a friend sobbing.  Messing up with my sleeping pattern, and write depressing entries that if anyone else got a hold of would probably call a suicide hotline for me.

I let it all out.   Because I’m sure I’ll be happy again someday.

Right now, I’m at my best, I dance in my bedroom, laugh out until I can’t breathe, sing annoying song at the top of my lungs, take a million pictures especially in my mind and smirking around like an idiot. I so treasure these moments.  Because I know, I’ll be sad again, soon.

And right now I live despite what I have or haven’t done, whom I’ve lost along the way, and though there is always going to be someone like Agent Smith in The Matrix movie series in this world. I just live life like I’m going to be squished by Godzilla tomorrow. I live as if I’m about to randomly spontaneously combust. Taking it all in.

But there’s only one thing, in chance that flaming meteors started hitting the earth right this moment, I “couldn’t” have that someone (well, you know) I could call up just to say ‘Hey, Can I hold you a little closer today because I heard the zombies are going to attack or its gonna be a nuclear explosions or something?’ 

Or saying the simple three words ‘I love you’.

My point is, people, I don't have one a point.  I just wanted to wish Happy New Year!!!