:: Sometimes The Best Things In Life Are Borrowed ::

What is it about Meredith that make her vulnerably prone to the charm and attraction of  Derek, the unavailable man? And she still loves him after so many breakups.

What is it about a married man that is so irresistible? While some single women avoid married men like plague, some others systematically fall for them.  There must be something that caused so many women to fall for it. 

I see the advantages would be you wouldn’t be controlled by a man. He can provide sporadic attention, sex, usually at regular intervals, definitely advice even when you don't ask for it and gifts, lotta gifts. You don't have to live with him twenny four seven, which less snoring, picking up after him, and usually freedom to come and go as you please.

But here comes the disadvantages, limited spontaneity, lack of availability on weekends and holidays and he calls you when he calls you, he sees you when he sees you, now that sucks bigtime really.  And of course, guilt. 

And people start to cast judgement without knowing the whole story.  You see, love just happened when it is most unexpected. I'm talking about reciprocal feelings. We are only human. Come desire, magical fleeting moments in love, who could resist this natural connection between two beings? I haven’t come across any woman who pretends to fall in love with a married man just for the heck of it.

Perhaps the forbidden love added allure to this complex relationship.  It's interesting how emotions can make a very simple situation so impossibly complicated.  So yeah the truth is everybody’s gonna hurt you.   You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.

I say selfish is the word and karma, karma baby is a bitch.

:: Bieber Fever ::

I know its normal for a girl to have paper cuttings of a band or a celebrity.  Well I had my time before Junior High.  New Kids on the Block!  They were awesome.  I remembered persuading abah to follow their tour but it was out of question, of course.  So I have their posters all around the room.  Then when I was a little older, Back Street Boys.  Phenomenal!  

Then came Westlife. But of course I was too old to have posters of hunks on my wall, but age didnt stop me from having Fabio Cannavaro's pinups.  I once had this rare picture of him, stark nekkid, with a tattoo on his lower waist.  *Inhales Deeply*

But of course I had to take it off of the wall and you know why.

But I'm not sure if its normal of you to have magazines cuttings of Justin Bieber.  And placed it under your pillow. And you're just  not even six!!!

:: Third Date Update ::

Its our third date in less than two months.  Yes, with the same boyfriend, mind you.  Not bad for a long distance relationship.  

Unlike our second date, where we had so much to talk, so many stories shared, this time we didnt say much.  It was all intense.  

Deep. Very deep.

He stared at me and I, him.  And I witnessed him controlling his emotion.  As I tried so hard to control mine.

We just let the moment passes us by without saying much word.

We met for the third time tonight.  Without swapping much vocabularies he managed to stay until 1.00a.m.

Its just so sad to watch him leave when I so much wanted him to stay.

:: An Open Letter to YOU ::

Dear You,

Friendship is the best foundation for love, so they say. But, along the way, when one tries to convert the friendship into a romantic relationship,  it can also put some risks to the friendship.

You sent me an email last night justifying why you did what you did to me.  Why you had to leave.  That was after you read my previous blog about me start dating again.  I know you still follow what I wrote in here though you never make your presence known.  But I so know you like the back of my palm.

So here is a letter to you.  Finally  I managed to write.

In your email you said that God has brought us together to let you feel the love that I've given you even if its for a short while.   Before we start sailing our SHIP on a romantic journey, we've talked about it that we would risk it all if this doesnt work.  But I managed to convinced you that I will make it work.  And I did.  It worked perfectly until you found yourself feeling short and out of place.  What did I ever do to you, that made you feel the way you felt? 

So here we are, turning best of friends into strangers.

Sometimes the line “Friendship to love, always. But love to friendship, never." does make sense.  Or simply stated, friendship always (or often) leads to love, while love leading in friendship is never (or less probable) to happen.  It is difficult to put friendship at risk, but, everyone knows that putting everything at risk is a natural consequence of true love.  

After we werent 'us' anymore, I tried so hard to return to being a good friend.  I tried to call many times, but you cut your line off.  You deleted your email account.  I tried so hard emailing you but it bounced back.  I came to an extend to just visit your mother.  Yes I did.  Well, almost did.

I dont hate you, I never could.  I dont regret loving you, I never will. But I do regret our relationship.  It destroyed the best thing we had, that is friendship.  All I could wish for right now is to have back the friendship that we lost. 

Thank you for being there for me when we were best friends.  Through all the sadness and gladness. 

Thank you for teaching me the power of forgiveness.  To really forget everything. 

Thank you for loving my daughter as if she's your own.

Thank you for the whole set of Spongebob Squarepants DVD season 1 - 5, and spongebob's night slipper.  Those are Alyssa's favorites.  

Thank you for being so impossible to please. This is what I would think of you the most.

And lastly I’d like to thank you, still, for leaving me because you made me feel how it is to die so I can fully appreciate how it is to be alive and whole again.

Sincerely Me

 

:: Second date Story ::

So I went out with this guy about two weeks ago, and we had a great time.  It was brief.  About an hour or so. We just had lunch somewhere in Klang Lama  and he suggested that we should meet up again last week and that he would come to Kuantan. The kicker being that I know what's around here so I can choose the spot for the date.  But that didn’t happen as I had another training on Wednesday and Thursday in KL.  Drove there a day earlier and we had our second date on that Tuesday.  

We spent 8 great hours together doing nothing but talk and talk, and we had Kyros Kebab for lunch then we continue on talking and we drove around KL and we stopped for coffee somewhere in KLCC and we talked again then we went off for a quiet dinner somewhere in Ampang and continue on talking.

Its been quite a while since my last date that I lost my fashion sense.   Really.

I wore green Tshirt, Black Scarf, blue jeans and light pink Crocs Hello Kitty Cayman.  And oh.  My fuchsia purse. Yeah! Blardy colorful.  I know.

I can explain on those shoes.

That morning before I drove off to KL, I loaded both Alyssa and her stuff in the car to send her off to her playschool, that my feet slipped into Cayman that was there in front of the door without changing it to my proper shoes.  And when I reached at the hotel where I was staying, I couldn't get into the room as the hotel will only release the room at 2pm.  And it was just 12 noon.  So I left my stuff at the concierge while he was already there.  Waiting.  

Alright, two things there.  First, I don’t quite comfortable having someone to wait for me and secondly, I don’t want to waste even a second of my time as I think every second worth a lot when I’m with him.  I was so much in a hurry that I forgotten to change the shoes and change whatever I was wearing into something more attuned to dating mode.

So there I was, 8 hours with this great guy, wearing Crocs cayman.  And he had to laugh to the color combo of my outfit.  He just had to.

There and then, I was thinking that there will be no third date as I failed on my second date.  Bigtime!

But this morning, just this morning, he said that if he is to bring me to his mom wearing the stuff I was wearing the other day, sure kena reject. 

Heyyyyyy...!!!

He was thinking of introducing me to his mom!!! 

Although the ‘sure kena reject’ sentence was adversely unpleasant, but yeah!  He did think of it now didn't he? (ayat nak sedapkan hati)