:: On The Mend ::

 foreign body that was found IN my right ankle.

Not many know that I had a percutaneous surgery on my right achilles tendon.  It was complete ruptured during futsal cuppla years back.  I had stitch granuloma that needed to be removed for its bloody irritating.  The suture that was used supposedly be self dissolved but it did not. The scar wasn't so ugly and one could hardly see it but its a bit lumpy and it looks like a huge jerawat batu on my ankle.  Well one couldn't be able to notice it.  Even the Boyfriend did not notice it when he did me a 'foot massage'.  Or maybe the massage was a little too sensational for him to even bother.  :P

And yeah I had it removed yesterday and I'm recuperating from yesterday's surgery.  And a two-week MC.  Hurrah! Hurrah! 

 and they hafta poke both of my wrist for IV. ppfffttt..

and yes the blue one is for paeds as I have very delicate veins

:: Sometimes The Best Things In Life Are Borrowed ::

What is it about Meredith that make her vulnerably prone to the charm and attraction of  Derek, the unavailable man? And she still loves him after so many breakups.

What is it about a married man that is so irresistible? While some single women avoid married men like plague, some others systematically fall for them.  There must be something that caused so many women to fall for it. 

I see the advantages would be you wouldn’t be controlled by a man. He can provide sporadic attention, sex, usually at regular intervals, definitely advice even when you don't ask for it and gifts, lotta gifts. You don't have to live with him twenny four seven, which less snoring, picking up after him, and usually freedom to come and go as you please.

But here comes the disadvantages, limited spontaneity, lack of availability on weekends and holidays and he calls you when he calls you, he sees you when he sees you, now that sucks bigtime really.  And of course, guilt. 

And people start to cast judgement without knowing the whole story.  You see, love just happened when it is most unexpected. I'm talking about reciprocal feelings. We are only human. Come desire, magical fleeting moments in love, who could resist this natural connection between two beings? I haven’t come across any woman who pretends to fall in love with a married man just for the heck of it.

Perhaps the forbidden love added allure to this complex relationship.  It's interesting how emotions can make a very simple situation so impossibly complicated.  So yeah the truth is everybody’s gonna hurt you.   You just got to find the ones worth suffering for.

I say selfish is the word and karma, karma baby is a bitch.

:: Bieber Fever ::

I know its normal for a girl to have paper cuttings of a band or a celebrity.  Well I had my time before Junior High.  New Kids on the Block!  They were awesome.  I remembered persuading abah to follow their tour but it was out of question, of course.  So I have their posters all around the room.  Then when I was a little older, Back Street Boys.  Phenomenal!  

Then came Westlife. But of course I was too old to have posters of hunks on my wall, but age didnt stop me from having Fabio Cannavaro's pinups.  I once had this rare picture of him, stark nekkid, with a tattoo on his lower waist.  *Inhales Deeply*

But of course I had to take it off of the wall and you know why.

But I'm not sure if its normal of you to have magazines cuttings of Justin Bieber.  And placed it under your pillow. And you're just  not even six!!!

:: Third Date Update ::

Its our third date in less than two months.  Yes, with the same boyfriend, mind you.  Not bad for a long distance relationship.  

Unlike our second date, where we had so much to talk, so many stories shared, this time we didnt say much.  It was all intense.  

Deep. Very deep.

He stared at me and I, him.  And I witnessed him controlling his emotion.  As I tried so hard to control mine.

We just let the moment passes us by without saying much word.

We met for the third time tonight.  Without swapping much vocabularies he managed to stay until 1.00a.m.

Its just so sad to watch him leave when I so much wanted him to stay.

:: An Open Letter to YOU ::

Dear You,

Friendship is the best foundation for love, so they say. But, along the way, when one tries to convert the friendship into a romantic relationship,  it can also put some risks to the friendship.

You sent me an email last night justifying why you did what you did to me.  Why you had to leave.  That was after you read my previous blog about me start dating again.  I know you still follow what I wrote in here though you never make your presence known.  But I so know you like the back of my palm.

So here is a letter to you.  Finally  I managed to write.

In your email you said that God has brought us together to let you feel the love that I've given you even if its for a short while.   Before we start sailing our SHIP on a romantic journey, we've talked about it that we would risk it all if this doesnt work.  But I managed to convinced you that I will make it work.  And I did.  It worked perfectly until you found yourself feeling short and out of place.  What did I ever do to you, that made you feel the way you felt? 

So here we are, turning best of friends into strangers.

Sometimes the line “Friendship to love, always. But love to friendship, never." does make sense.  Or simply stated, friendship always (or often) leads to love, while love leading in friendship is never (or less probable) to happen.  It is difficult to put friendship at risk, but, everyone knows that putting everything at risk is a natural consequence of true love.  

After we werent 'us' anymore, I tried so hard to return to being a good friend.  I tried to call many times, but you cut your line off.  You deleted your email account.  I tried so hard emailing you but it bounced back.  I came to an extend to just visit your mother.  Yes I did.  Well, almost did.

I dont hate you, I never could.  I dont regret loving you, I never will. But I do regret our relationship.  It destroyed the best thing we had, that is friendship.  All I could wish for right now is to have back the friendship that we lost. 

Thank you for being there for me when we were best friends.  Through all the sadness and gladness. 

Thank you for teaching me the power of forgiveness.  To really forget everything. 

Thank you for loving my daughter as if she's your own.

Thank you for the whole set of Spongebob Squarepants DVD season 1 - 5, and spongebob's night slipper.  Those are Alyssa's favorites.  

Thank you for being so impossible to please. This is what I would think of you the most.

And lastly I’d like to thank you, still, for leaving me because you made me feel how it is to die so I can fully appreciate how it is to be alive and whole again.

Sincerely Me